I Live....

Haha... I am alive and doing much better finally starting to feel alittle better... Yippy!!.
I still have pain in my throat I don't know when that will leave completely. I feel like I can actually get out of bed and do things around my house without having any problems. Well yesterday was a very sad day for us and Colorado, the head cheif of Dept. of Corrections one of my hubbys many bosses was murdered at his home, it affects all of us DOC families my husband was shocked as were all the officers. There is a man hunt going on, its sad that this has happened to a man who cared deeply for the officers and inmates somebody who was fair and trying to make a difference in everybodys lives. It could have been random but really who randomly goes to somebodys door rings the bell and instantly shoots them when they open it?? I have my own idea as does everybody else i wont speak it here but I don't believe it was random. Anyway on a different note.... I plan to get pictures up of the cabins we are going to buy, and my daughter has a new job... so happy about that :).  Hope you all are doing well... I will post more later God Bless you all.... xoxo

Happy Saturday..

Goodmorning everybody....

I hope you all have a wonderfully blessed weekend. I just saw my husband off to work today is his double duty day. I will continue to rest, last night was rough I have noticed some symptoms returning from before I sought help from the doctor. My heart raced on and off yesterday and all through the night i woke up at 2:55 am rolled over in bed and it was off..... it took about an hour to calm down and get back to sleep. I now understand the "Issues" my doctor was talking about. Wednesday will be 2 weeks post care but I still feel like poo....  My kids cleaned up after the Chickens and other birds yesterday so thats done atleast. Today my hubby asked me to make a list of all things we need to do in this house and buy for any repairs or just to freshen up this place since we have lived here. We will be doing everything to the house and then start getting rid off stuff so we can get prepared to move into our cabin. I will be posting cabin pictures as soon as possible I promise :)  God Bless, xoxo

Update...

Hi everybody...
I didn't forget this blog I have just been trying to rest and stay in bed as much as possible.
I attempted to go grocery shopping but got very sick in the store and had to sit down twice, I called my doctor and told her I was at Costco and let her know how I was feeling she then ripped my butt. I am not suppose to be out at all my doctor is trying to get me 2 weeks post therapy with no issues... I must have misunderstood her about the 2 weeks I didn't realize I couldn't go anywhere or how I could feel by doing to much. Anyway my throat still hurts and I am sooooo tired. My headache is finally gone. I will be back very soon so don't go anywhere... haha. God Bless you all xoxoxo.....

Progress...

Well everybody I had my treatment on tuesday and Wednesday. I have never felt so crappy... I am almost a full 72 hours in and I haven't been able to be around my family because I am radioactive. My throat is killing me as well as the center of my chest by my collar bone. I have had one night of racing heart issues and not sleeping well. I feel extremely tired and just plain miserable. I have been having nightmares of all weird kinds last nights about 2am was really bad the kind when you wake up out of it... it feels real. I have to really watch myself for the next couple weeks. So I'm sorry I haven't been on here but I just wanted to update everybody. I would like to thank Julie who has been sending emails to check on me and encourage me through this... Its amazing how a blog can create friendships and I am very thankful :)  God Bless you all much love from Colorado.... xoxo

Saturday...

Goodmorning everybody,

I didn't post yesterday as I just layed around and relaxed. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for tuesday and wednesday. My son has a job interview on monday so he is excited if he gets it this will be his first job. My husband is at his second job today so he left at 7:30 and wont be home until 11:00 tonight. he was working friday nights and then saturadays but it is clear across town so he switched to do both shifts in one day to save on gas but its gonna be along day with a 2 hour break inbetween for him. I have plans to clean my house up a bit and read maybe? I don't know for sure. So do any of you have any exciting plans for the weekend?  God Bless and have a beautiful restful weekend :) 

The Big Day...

Well the hospital called me and the big day for my radioactive treatment is next Tuesday and Wednesday. I am very nervous and just wanting this to be over soon. So I may not be blogging on those days but we will see. My family is nervous too because I have been in such poor health. The doctor told my husband that this disease is affecting my brain I think thats what my mood swings and forgetfullness are all about. Noise hurts my brain and sometimes I have to scream to get everybody to be quiet so i can rest my head. I feel crazy sometimes but Doctor assures me this is normal. It will take 1-3 months to start feeling the affects of the treatment and 3-6 months to start feeling better. I know I have complained so much about paying 800.00 a month out of my hubbys checks for health insurance but I am thankful to have it and realize even though we are strapped i would never want to be without it. That is a big motivator for living in a cabin on some land... to be self reliant meaning no bills hardly and life will be easier because We will live much better on 2,300 a month take home pay. Yes I went there that is our take home pay but our bills are killing us especially when your adult children live at home and you support them because they have lost their job. I have had the mobile phones shut off so goodbye 253.00 a month, yes it is killing their social life but we have internet and facebook to talk to their friends or make plans. I had cable shut off goodbye to that 125.00 a month, we pay for Hulu plus and Netflix and I was shocked to learn that we can live without it :) oddly enough all the tv shows are up to date on Hulu... I actually have 500.00 saved now in just 2 weeks because we don't have these bills now and that makes me happy. So I am praying that the land that will work for us to put all those structures on will not sale until I have $3,000 for closing cost. It is 36 acres of agricultural land Not that we wanted that but the County is telling me we can have a permenate structure and up to 4-5 little dwellings for ...Quote.. Ranch hands.. Unquote.. (my kids lol). We have no other use for this property my dream would be simple 5 acres for $5,000 but the county prefers to be difficult. The reason this will work for us is because its only $18,000 and the owner will carry with those closing cost. I hope nobody thought we were rich and we could just go out and buy everything in a month.... this blog is a journey let me tell ya. Be prepared to go through it with us and by it I mean hell sometimes :). You will see that this blog is real life about real life things I don't blog for a job or to make money even though that would be great, however this is just my trials i am broadcasting to the world lol. I hope i didn't bore you too much. I wish you all a beautiful day and remember to smile at somebody today it will bring you joy and greatly bless the person you smile at. Love you all God Bless.

.........................

Well I am still waiting for my winner to contact me. I am not sure how long to wait before redrawing another winner so I am hoping by Friday I will get a message. If I do not get contacted by the winner I will draw a new name on Monday. Thanks and have a beautiful day.... God Bless

Julie-Wyatt

Hi Julie.... You are the winner of my giveaway but I have not heard from you... Please contact me I would like to send you something special... If the email is not working on here and you are trying to contact me you can reach me at Muddigrl@gmail.com that goes for all of you that want to reach me :)

Please Get Proactive...

Learn more about his story in “The Bully Effect” on Feb. 28 at 10 p.m. ET: http://on.cnn.com/YxUTCJ 



This video brought back so many memories and the flood gates opened up wide for me. When I started junior high 7th grade I was a target from the start. Everyday i had to worry what would be coming for me next a slap,push,kick or shove... I was even tortured in front of the school office backed against the wall. It was 5 girls... the preppys you know the ones that lead the life of privilege.. yeah you know who I mean. I was failing all through junior high my grades were f's and d's. I feared for myself everyday and I only had 2 friends but they never came to my rescue. Every year 8th and 9th it just kept going. I was raised by my grandparents and so you can imagine I didn't have the best clothing I mean don't get me wrong I had new clothes but of the polyester persuasion... My shoes were velcro tracks from Kmart. I was an odd person in some peoples eyes I was not allowed to spend the night at peoples houses not that I was ever invited. My only outlet was roller skating at Rainbow Roller Rink in Grand Junction Colorado. My grandparents took me skating every Saturday for a double session 4 glorious hours of nonstop music and fun, sometimes I got to go on Friday nights or Sunday afternoon. Skating was the only place these mean girls didn't go. I attended dances but not many. Before I knew it junior high became a past nightmare and I was on to my sophomore year of high school. My grandfather took me school shopping this time and he allowed me to get some instyle clothing but nothing that could expose my middle... lol I was very modest. So I felt great starting high school I thought it would be a new experience and at first it was. One day I was bent down trying to get something out of my locker between classes and before I knew it I was kicked and shoved into my locker and when I stood up and turned around to my suprise there were two girls I didn't even know pushing me again inside my locker... Thus the high school nightmare begins. I was scared and alone and they were juniors... Math sucked because they were in my class and then they even had a guy join in the fun. This new set of girls got my phone number out of the phonebook and started screwing with me even at home. They had the guy call and pretend he was interested in me and the next day after talking to him I got screwed with harder. One day after school I was crossing the parking lot and I nearly was ran over by a huge black truck and guess who was driving?!!! the head leader of my new bullies. I went home and told my grandma who told my grandpa and the next day my grandparents called the school and threatened a lawyer and lawsuit. Even though the torture slowed down it didn't stop. I ended up leaving high school 3 months into my 10th grade year. I know how this feels and I know the desperation of wanting to disappear. You will find this a bit amusing my junior high ring leader bully is on my facebook page I sent her an invite and she accepted but has never talked to me, she is a proclaimed Christian now... I don't honestly know if she remembers the torture she put me through and the torment it caused me... She probably don't know it has followed me my whole life and i allow myself to bullied on jobs and other areas of my life because I never could stand up for myself out of fear. I have rejection issues because of it. Now when I see kids fighting or looking like they are pushing somebody around i will stop my truck and get out so I can scream at the bully and tell them to leave the other kid the hell alone before I step in. I have thought about private messaging this girl on my facebook and telling her how her behavior affected and still affects my life today but something tells me she would care less or delete me... I guess in my heart I would love to meet her for lunch and have her say sorry to me for all the heartache and nightmares of killing myself she caused me..... but would it really do any good now?. I have watched my own children be bullied But the difference is I got right on top of the principals desk and demanded and threatened to get it to stop. My son was always a runt very intellegent and tested he is actually gifted so he was always a target he has been depants in class his lunch spit on kicked and slammed into fences and so on even beat up on the school bus by girls. Like I said he WAS a runt he is NOW 6'4" my how things change lol. I raised my son well he don't like to fight he always told me from a young age words are power not fist. So that is my rant I would ask all of you to get proactive this bullying crap is a shame and leads to the ruins of lives. Hope you all have a beautiful day and remember to just smile at somebody it makes the difference. God Bless love you all..........

The county and my issues..

I have been on the phone with Park county this morning.. grrrr!!  They are telling me my land needs to have an agricultural zoning in order to put up so many cabins. I love how they can make so many stipulations on a land owner. It is really about money and who wants to line their pockets... I have to keep looking for land now and i can't buy the parcel i waned which means I will have to purchase more than 30 acres probably because that zoning very rarely comes in anything smaller. I am feeling frustrated this morning. I will continue to pray about this I know the Lord will bring me a peice of land that will work.... I just hope He hurrys it up lol. On a different note...... I go back to my doctor today at 1:00 to see about a new medication hopefully one that will not give me hives :(   I am planning on talking to her about the radioactive therapy and the risk of cancer that come with it. My man says i should just take the therapy and kill my thyroid and if I do it will only be about 3-6 months and I could be feeling normal again. It snowed here ALL! weekend so i haven't had a chance to go get pictures of those cabins yet.. but i will. All weekend was spent inside and yesterday I spent time in my garage cleaning and deleting things so to speak. I am finally down to just one refrigerator my new one was delivered friday and the other 2 are now gone :)  That sums up my weekend fun... did anybody do anything fun?